Sex - 40 Things I've Learnt In 40 Years

Sex. The very thought of it is enough to conjure up visions of hedonistic abandon and heights of incredible ecstasy...

...or not.

It is amazing how sex has changed for me over the years. Time was, when sex had but one objective: the surreptitious foray through the nether regions to reach the intoxicating heights of Mt. Olympus - the mount of the gods - if only for an all-too-brief moment. It was a speedy race to the top to reach the holy grail and an avalanche right back down that left you flushed, out of breath, and feeling less than satiated.

Like many young people, we were left wondering why there was so much secrecy, mystery and much ado about sex. Yes, it was great, but only very briefly, really. And what was so wrong about it that made it such an awful subject in polite company or at the dinner table? Somehow the clandestine nature of the subject of sex lent credence to its allure.

Sometimes I wonder how sex today would be if I'd had lots of early experience. In many ways I am still learning so much about it. You would think that at my age I would know everything about my body and about sex. The real beauty is, I am still learning, and each new revelation leaves me with a smile on my face. I find it sad that many times, sex is seen as something we do to another person, or something that is done to us. That is sad. It should be a act of mutual participation, where each partner's aim is to please and be pleased. Without that essential ingredient, it is nearly impossible for both parties to derive optimal benefit from being together.

What I do know is that there are different kinds of sex. Sex is like nature. You can have earthquakes, hurricanes, snow flurries, thunderstorms, drizzles, breezes and sometimes stillness. Sometimes several happen in succession. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it isn't. But most importantly, it is about the spiritual connection that can take place in the process. Sex is more than a genital experience. It is a spiritual experience that echoes the Biblical reference of two becoming one. It is one of those rare moments where bodies and spirits collide. A sexual encounter disconnected from a spiritual one is like flying coach when you could be flying First Class.

A spiritual sexual encounter requires both parties to be present and committed to the 'process'. It involves tuning in to the frequency of the other person as well as yourself, and interpreting the very subtle signals you give and receive. Consciously take in what you see, what you smell, what you taste, what you feel, how it feels... That is when it takes on a life of its own and the two of you take a journey that is not predetermined by either party. The only agenda is the present moment. That is when sex is no longer about the orgasm as much as it is about a certain shared intimacy. Each encounter is a new adventure, blending the tried-and-tested with new areas of exploration and an abandonment to the moment.

I have found that a spiritual sexual encounter leaves me satiated and basking in the afterglow for days after and doesn't leave me craving more (not for the moment, at least). It has taken me a while to learn the import of that, but I have also had to unlearn a lot of what I picked up growing up. Sex can be an incredibly beautiful experience, but you need to learn to 'unlimit' yourself and realize that really, there are no rules. You are the rule.

Now I'm curious: What have your sexcapades been like?